How Prozac saved my life
Two to three weeks after I had surgery, I started experiencing serious bouts of depression. It was equally physical as it was mental & emotional. It hit me like a ton of bricks and left me feeling totally incapacitated. I would cry uncontrollably for no reason and I had deep, mournful thoughts about the state of my life. I literally thought I was going crazy. Shit, I could’ve been the face for the Cymbalta TV ads.
I’d never experienced depression like this before. My doctor had warned me that I might experience depression after surgery, but she didn’t warn me that I was probably going to be swallowed up by a black hole. I was in a scary place and didn’t know if I was going to make it out.
It felt like I was having an out of body experience during those first few weeks of recovery. I felt so alone, even though I had family and friends who were at my side. Depression is a difficult thing to explain. You can’t make it fit into a pretty little box or expect that three sentences can fully explain the madness that’s going on in your head.
And as if dealing with the chaos in my wasn’t enough, I had to contend with the outside world, who’s views on depression are often skewed and discriminating. Like with so many metal illnesses, society is quick to overlook the serious impact it has on people’s lives and dismiss treatment all together because it’s not thought of as a real illness.
My depression was brought on by chemical imbalances in my body after I had surgery. No matter how much I tried to fight it, it was a reality that I couldn’t hide from. About two weeks post-surgery, I talked to my doctor about the depression I was experiencing and she started me on Prozac.
Within days, my entire outlook changed. The dark, gray cloud that had been looming over me was starting to disappear. The constant crying slowly stopped and the big, black hole became smaller and smaller. I started to feel like me again. I was in the early stages of my recovery and had a long way to go, but now I had my old self back and could fight the fight. So yes, I think I can say that Prozac saved my life (or at least my mind).
It’s fourteen months later and I’m still taking Prozac. My body still isn’t 100% back to normal, but one day soon it will be and that’ll be the day I can say good-bye to the Prozac and close that chapter in my life.
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2 comments
I experience that same mournful depression as well. It was horrible. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to eat. All I wanted to do was sleep. And cry. I felt hopeless and miserable. Like my entire life was falling apart around me, even though I had wonderful friends and family rallying around me. It was a very disconcerting feeling, as I’m not usually a pessimistic person.
I came out of my funk on my own, but I have a feeling this deep depression may be more common in post-surgery Cushings patients than we really think. That pituitary gland sure does mess up your life when it doesn’t act right!
I’m glad you are feeling better…and your story continues to give me hope!
[...] At the time, I was so caught up in my own head that I felt embarrassed & ashamed to to explain the severity of my depression to my endocrinologist. And part of it was that she didn’t explain just how hard recovery was going to be, so I thought it was just in my head. Although I did work up the courage to tell her that I was having a hard time emotionally and she put me on Prozac. [...]
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