No, I’m not like everyone else
To this day, I still struggle with what’s considered normal. I’m often tired and need a lot of down time when I’m not at work. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt because I don’t have the same stamina as the people around me. It’s not because I don’t want to be active and do things, it’s not because I’m lazy, it’s not because I’d rather lay in bed - it’s because I’m truly tired. It’s weird because it’s not one of those things you can will yourself to do. It’s a very physical thing.
My family for the most part has come to accept this about me and when I say I’m tired or I need to rest, they do what they can to accommodate that. It’s people who are on the out skirts of my inner circle that have a hard time understanding why I don’t have the energy to do the things I used to do. Just about all of my friends know that I had Cushing’s and they have seen first hand what is has done to me. But it’s hard for them to understand why surgery hasn’t cured me - why I haven’t gone back to the way I was when I wasn’t sick. That’s really hard to explain to someone who hasn’t gone through this or lived with someone who has.
My level of guilt was at its highest just before I had surgery - when I had to decline invitations for just about everything. As my recovery has progressed, my guilt has subsided some. I think it’s because I’m coming to terms with my body can and can not do. I can’t feel guilty for what I can’t do - I need to feel good about what I can do.
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